In previous visits to the playa many of my lucky fellow burners have had the pleasure of playa-romances. Some are famous and some are discreet, but for the lucky ones who have romance that extend beyond the Black Rock it’s a magic unlike any other.
Other people I know, myself included, have become so smitten with the idea of a burner-lover/best-friend/etceteras have found networks to extend the search into the Mundane World. Sites like Burning-Singles.Com as well as various networks on Tribe.Net wantonly draw in people seeking other burners to partner with.
The sometimes ambiguous sexuality of many burners can either leave the field wide open or reduce the field for the more picky seeker of love.
Gender Identity
Is the idea of a Burner partner realistic or more along the lines of the elusive unicorn? Think about Burner men, of darn near any orientation, there is a fantasy life of glitter and fairy wings in their heads that is sometimes hard to attach to. Even when making their transition to the world outside of the Black Rock many do not easily re-attach. While others merge quickly and invisibly into landscape; are they still a desired partner if they assimilate well into the default world?
And Burner women? There is an uncommon strength and independence in a lot of women, noted by this author, at Burning Man. But there is a surprisingly high number of women who are self objectifying or responsive to male objectification; also noted by in a previous article from last year. Both these extremes play out and attract different potential partners for various reasons. However, the Burner female coming back to the default world seemingly exists between these realms of reality with more ease that their male counterparts.
These roles that unfold on playa versus the default world somehow even out on some levels, which is where burning-singles.com, Tribe.Net and ePlaya play out for the other 52 weeks of the year.
There are no statistics on the success of Burner relationships or one psychology defining the success or failure. However, in observation many Burner romances are sustained within the community. Yet, as the relationships age, it seems almost invariable that one partner will turn their back on Burning Man and move on. How they come to terms with it will also determine the survival of the relationship.
In a few cases, one partner decided they were completely done with Burning Man but allows and supports the other to continue that relationship on their own. It happens.
Open Relationships
The issue of promiscuity and sexual exploration have been associated with the culture among other indulgences. What I am taken by are the way some couples have accepted reduced boundaries thinking that would create more freedom in the infrastructure of the relationship.
Lately I noted a lot of couples splitting up right before and after the most recent Burn. In many of these cases, the perception of having a flirtatious and open a relationship was presented to an interested party. When it was acted upon the result blew up in their faces. Seems like it is titillating to consider playing outside or within the relationship, but when it is acted upon without caution it ends up destroying the trust in the relationship.
In spite of a loosely set mutual agreement, or even a spoken understanding, playing with the bonds of the archetype relationship often result in disaster. Going into a relationship leaving the door open for a potential additional partner stretches the bonds and sanctity of the relationship leaving insecurity and doubt in potential collision of individual ideals.
One of the more famous camps at Burning Man deals with these issues head on in an educational series; Poly Paradise. They offer a great series of classes for couple or individuals exploring a Poly lifestyle.
Conclusion
Whatever the makeup of your relationships and the romance that ensues from it, being smart about advancing it is key. Burner men and women are often gregarious and experimental, but we are all programmed with ideals and expectations. Often people like us are open to exploring with those limits or tolerances. Men and women of this ilk can offer a lot, but stability? Before jumping into the unknown or opening a door to something that can unsettle what you already have get an education. Do not go into it blindly.
That minute of that the idea of going poly or experimenting with an alternative relationship might not really be the solution to the success of the partnership. Do some research.
Weeks later, I traveled to LA for one of Kasey’s memorial services. She loved pink, and we all wore pink somewhere on us that entire weekend. She also loved glitter and we glittered each other all weekend as well. Pink and glittery anything. That Saturday night we were all in Margo’s backyard making S’mores and remembering Kasey, I looked up and saw the moon. I had to get everyone together to see this. We all stood there, holding each other and crying. This is what we saw.
It didn’t take me long to make the mailbox and I had arranged for Margo to send Boots (a pink sock monkey that travels around the country in honor of Kasey) to me at Burning Man.
I didn’t get a chance to dress up like Hermes, but I guess it was the thought that counted. Anyways, we drove out to the Temple and as we got there and started walking up to the Temple, a man on a bike from The Post Office came up to us. “Kasey Kirby?” We all turned around with the mailbox in my arms to acknowledge him. He told us that he was at our village and they told him that we were on our way to deliver the mailbox. My heart sank. This guy rode his bike from 7:00 and Esplanade to the Temple to deliver a letter to Kasey! We all looked amazed that someone did this, not knowing anything of this journey. I asked him to put it in the mailbox and we thanked him as he went on his way. As we all walked inside the Temple, I was taken back by everything I saw and felt. I couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt other than sorrow. We went upstairs and found a spot for Kasey’s mailbox. Toaster placed it in the Temple for me because, well, I’m short. 🙂
At the Temple burn, I said my good bye’s to Kasey, told her again how sorry I was. I wasn’t asking for any kind of forgiveness, I just wanted her to know that I was sorry for everything. Since then, when I think of her and start to cry, I get this feeling of….it’s ok….over me. I still carry this burden with me every day that I didn’t talk to her and say good bye, and I will for the rest of my life….until we meet again.
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The hedonistic part of Burning Man is an extension of people expressing themselves and with this liberation comes other unbridled behaviors that occasionally come dripping with pheromones. But, do not let that be your motivation for coming to the playa, because the magic of this desert will smack your dick right into the dirt. OhTony said it best and it is advice well taken. Go to Burning Man for the experience and leave the expectations with your dirt angels.
So, @Craig inspired me to write a quick post. I am also managing to avoid doing some work I reallllllly need to be doing.
So, I digress. We arrived at the gate too early, so we drove back to Gerlach and spotted a lonely cowboy kicking back at a van and he told us his story. He voice was rough like broken glass and his style was cowboy rockstar who just finished his first joint. We parked close by and pulled out the 5 gallon Home Depot jug filled with crappy orange drink and crappy vodka. Gradually people started gathering more and more and we were dishing out every drop of rot gut we had. My co-host Butch Pirate was awesome.
5 minutes to midnight we jumped in and drove 9 miles to the front gate, arriving in line at 12:02 am Monday morning. I saw purple l.e.d.s arching through the sky. We made dirt angels when they discovered we were virgins. We were warned about narcs and being good citizens. We were thrilled….
I spent so much time on Bam Bam’s art car; a mobile strip club with neon carpets and padding with black light. I rolled my balls off at Opulent Temple and found wonderful things at Comfort and Joy. Every day was a social and visual thrill, both arousing and stimulating, at Center Camp with my daily coffee. Every night was a new adventure, dancing, staying with my community and meeting so many more people.
