the jaded old-school burner: never shuts up about how much BM sucks now… but still comes! you won’t see much of these guys, though, because they never leave their camp.
the first-timer whose mind is completely blown the whole fucking time : depending on your point of view, these people can be deeply inspiring, or even more annoying than the jaded old-schoolers. usually they take too many drugs and will have at least one nervous breakdown.
the camp bitch : would really have been happier staying at a nice hotel in reno… but then they wouldn’t have lazy filthy campmates to complain about! they can’t believe what giant slobs everyone else is. will moan incessantly about how no one else wants to wash the dishes. if you’re burning with more than two other people, you have at least one of these in your crew. if you don’t know who it is, maybe it’s you!
the overly spiritual burner : can be easily identified as the person who never laughs at your jokes. thinks burning man should be like easter mass: solemn and incomprehensible. just drop them off at the temple while you hop a totally undignified art-car to the upside-down-on-a-pole-in-a-wet-t-shirt drinking contest at Pinky’s.
the acquisitor : measures how much fun they’re having by how much stupid crap they can stuff their pockets with. warning: they’ll try to steal some key piece of decor from your bar. also, they’ll try to trade you a handful of painted bottle caps for a dose of E.
the font of swag : exact opposite of the acquisitor. each morning they’ll fill their bag with homemade junk, and won’t return to camp until they’ve “gifted” away all their garbage.
the center-camp-hanger-outer : hangs out at center camp the whole time. by the end of the week, they’ll have spent more money on iced-coffee drinks than you spent on gas. PRO TIP: center camp is lame.
the creepy date-rapist : always has plenty of drugs.
the raver : sleeps during the day. measures fun in decibels. does too many drugs.
the yahoo : should have gone to miami beach. picks fights.
the weekender : arrives on friday in an RV that’s more luxurious than your apartment. doesn’t want to meet their neighbors. doesn’t pack out their trash.
your dream-girl/guy/both/other : your perfect soul-mate. you’ll spend the most wonderful night of your life with this person. then you’ll find out they’re married.